im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
