Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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