she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
