you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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