I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
