I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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