The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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