She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
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