What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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