Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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