don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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