He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
