dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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