the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
