it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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