I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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