Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
