just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
