I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Even my vagina gasped.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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