therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
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