Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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