So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
