I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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