I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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