apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
