We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
