when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
