I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
