She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
