Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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