Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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