fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
