So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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