one two three fourrrrnication!
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
