having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I smell like Dick and happiness
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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