I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Enjoy the penises
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
