Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
mondays should just be called national damage control day
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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