I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I wish you could order shots online.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
