Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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