Can Purell be used as lube?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
