the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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