I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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