captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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