Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard

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(586): View more from Michigan

so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.

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(937): View more from Ohio

I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning

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(714): View more from California

I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high

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(503): View more from Oregon

A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.

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(661): View more from California

TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!

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(218): View more from Minnesota

I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!

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