i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
