I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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