I feel great
I just peed on a car
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
