He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
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