pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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