are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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