Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The adults are the big ones right?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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