capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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