hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
