Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
