so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
