We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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