so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
