I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
