I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize