I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
