I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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