Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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