She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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